Shareware Super Platinum 8

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Text File | 1992-07-13 | 39.3 KB | 984 lines

; SHAMpage Data file maintained by v3.05 ; ; This is the SHAMpage data file. Any line with a semi-colon at column one ; will be treated as a comment. ; ; Note the use of the variable *USER*. Anywhere *USER* appears, the caller's ; first name will be inserted. ; ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; These are the opening lines which are generated randomly. ; ; The format is: ; ; NUMBER OF OPENING LINES ; OPENING LINE 1 ; OPENING LINE 2 ; OPENING LINE 3 ; etc. ; ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 25 *USER*, I have other things I could be doing right now... C'mon *USER*, you can tell me. What's your REAL age? Damn! It's just you, *USER*... I was hoping it was Kathy Willets! Damn! Who let YOU in here, *USER*? Did you know that BBSing is a SICKNESS, *USER*? Did you know that I'm sleeping with your sister, *USER*? Don't you have anything better to do than stare at a computer, *USER*? Geesh *USER*, I let ANYBODY on this BBS, don't I? How did I get here, and WHO are YOU, *USER*? I don't care WHO you are *USER*! Get those reindeer off my roof! I only have time for a quickie, *USER*. If I was you *USER*, I'd be out partying. Is it true that you've never paid for a piece of software, *USER*? My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus, *USER*. Rich ain't here *USER*, this is the cleaning lady. So *USER*, how bored ARE you? So how's your love life, *USER*? So, what's your REAL name anyhow, *USER*? Tell me everything you know, *USER*. You have 2 minutes. Welcome to Margaritaville, *USER*. What are you doing here, *USER*? What the heck do YOU want, *USER*? Whatever your question *USER*, the answer is NO! Yawn! What time is it, *USER*? You know *USER*, nobody pays me to do this. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; ; These are lines sent when SHAMpage terminates normally. ; ; The format is: ; ; EXITMSG ; NUMBER OF EXIT LINES (maximum of 4) ; LINE 1 ; LINE 2 ; LINE 3 ; etc. ; ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- EXITMSG 4 Relax, *USER*, lighten up! This was a joke! I hope enjoyed chatting with a machine! <Grin> The SysOp is not available now... Please leave a comment or try again later. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; ; These are lines sent when no keyword match occurs. ; ; The format is: ; ; NOMATCH ; NUMBER OF REPLIES ; REPLY 1 ; REPLY 2 ; REPLY 3 ; etc. ; ; NOTE: Replies are limited to ten (10). ; ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOMATCH 10 Do you have ANY idea what time it is? I don't know. Do you really give a crap? Like I care... No kidding! OK *USER*. Now, tell me about your favorite X-Rated GIF. Right. I think I hear your mother calling you. What am I DOING here??? Why do you say that, *USER*? You've obviously mistaken me for a normal human being. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; ; Following are the key words to check. You may have up to 100 key words. ; Key words must be in UPPER CASE! ; ; If you want to check for an EXACT match of a whole word only, surround it ; with spaces. If your key word contains any leading or trailing spaces, ; encase it in quotes. ; For example: key word = TRUCK will match FIRETRUCK, TRUCKER & TRUCK ; key word = " TRUCK" will not match FIRETRUCK ; key word = " TRUCK " will match only TRUCK ; ; The format is: ; ; KEYWORD ; NUMBER OF REPLIES ; REPLY 1 ; REPLY 2 ; REPLY 3 ; etc. ; ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #1 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ACCESS 8 Access THIS! Can I have access to your sister? Do you want "Kathy Willets Access" or "Sheriff Nick Access"? Hit [Alt] H for FREE unlimited access! I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now! More access, more access... all I ever hear is "I want more access"! More access? Sure - hit [Alt] H now. Sure. You want kiddie access, right? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #2 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ADULT 6 A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out. Computer sex is nothing compared to the real thing, *USER*. Damn! Another PERVERT online! I was in the middle of some LIVE Adult Access when you paged me! Sure I have adult areas. Call back when you grow up. Upload a nude GIF of yourself and I'll give you access. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #3 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " ASS" 5 A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste! I dumped Sonya because one asshole in my pants is enough. I prefer the word "donkey". Nobody likes a smart ASS, *USER*! You're making quite an ass out of yourself, *USER*. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #4 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- AWESOME 8 Bodacious! Come back in 10 years when you're all grown up! Gag me with a spoon! Gnarly! Radical! Silence is golden. So shut up and get rich! That's the problem with the gene pool - no lifeguard. You have a great vocabulary, *USER*. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #5 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BBS 4 I could've BBS'ed all night... No, BBS doesn't stand for "Big Black Stud"! What's this "BBS" thing you keep talking about, *USER*? You don't like it here *USER*, call the Onyx BBS! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #6 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BITCH 4 I like to eat out. And in-and-out. If little girls are made of sugar & spice, how come they taste like tuna? Is Thai pussy extra spicy? Mexican women taste like recycled beans. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #7 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " BLOW " 2 Blow it out your ass, *USER*! Blow this! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #8 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BOARD 3 Did you mean to say "board" or "bored"? The source code is on drive B: This is just your typical leech board. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #9 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BRIDGE 1 Yeah, this IS DrawBridge BBS. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #10 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BUSY 6 As a freakin' bee... I think you need call-waiting, *USER*. That's weird - I never get a busy signal here! That's why they invented auto-redial, turkey! Try calling from another phone, *USER*. Well, if you'd just get a life *USER*, you could be busy too! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #11 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " CAN " 5 I'd rather talk about something else. If I knew, I wouldn't tell you, *USER*. Not today. Sure. Why not? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #12 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " CHERI " 5 Cheri's all talk - no action! Guess who got Cheri's cherry! I slept with Cheri once. She's actually a prude. Screw Cheri! This is most definitely NOT the stupid Cheri program! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #13 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " COCK" 2 I have 12 inches. And that's just my power cord. Sounds like you have a bad case of penis envy, *USER*. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #14 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- COMPUTER 9 At least you never owe alimony to a PC. But have you ever slept with a PC, *USER*? Can you talk dirty in machine language, *USER*? Commodore 64. IBM sucks, Apple has worms, and Commodores don't even make good doorstops. No, this is a real live human being you are chatting with, *USER*. Shut up about computers already *USER*. I'm sick of them! Sure this is a computer. And you're chopped liver? That does not compute... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #15 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- COOL 9 Awesome! Bodacious! Come back in 10 years when you're all grown up! Gag me with a spoon! Gnarly! Radical! Silence is golden. So shut up and get rich! That's the problem with the gene pool - no lifeguard. You have a great vocabulary. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #16 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " COST" 5 Ask about our special Kathy Willets rate for adult access. How much did you make last year, *USER*? Send it in. Send me your first-born son - I'll see what I can do. Well, it's cheaper than those 1-900 smut numbers you call! You must be 1) female and 2) willing to sleep with the SysOp! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #17 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CRAP 10 A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste! Are you feeling lucky, punk? I nominate you for Public Enema #1. I'm surprised you can spell that, *USER*. If this were the REAL world, You'd be in TROUBLE! Is that the same mouth you use to kiss your mother, *USER*? Nice mouth, *USER*! Nice talk, garbage-mouth. Nothing that a little Ex-Lax won't cure. What's the matter... can't spell SHIT? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #18 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " CUNT " 1 Can't spell "vagina", huh? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #19 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " CUTE" 2 My life's ambition... to be CUTE! Yeah. You're cute too, *USER*! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #20 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " DICK" 2 I have 12 inches. And that's just my power cord. Sounds like you have a bad case of penis envy, *USER*. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #21 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " DOOR" 5 Ah! The Doors! C'mon Baby, Light My Fire! Don't look now, but YOUR barn door's open! I think you have to run Windows for that. The Ferengi destroyed all the doors last night... You need to go to the door menu for the doors, Einstein! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #22 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DOWNLOAD 7 DOWNLOAD, v. - See rape. Does your computer have a [Page Up] key? Have you located it yet? Download THIS! Hit [Alt] H to get to the File Menu. Maybe if you tried uploading something WORTHWHILE for a change. Try F-modem next time! You want a good program, read TV Guide. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #23 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " DUDE " 8 Bodacious! Come back in 10 years when you're all grown up! Gag me with a spoon! Gnarly! Radical! Silence is golden. So shut up and get rich! That's the problem with the gene pool - no lifeguard. You have a great vocabulary. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #24 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DUMB 1 Dumb??? You're the one who's chatting with a stupid machine, *USER*! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #25 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " ELIZA " 3 I slept with Eliza once. She's not that good! No, this is NOT that idiot Eliza program! Screw Eliza! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #26 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- FEMALE 3 Are you having your period, or just a question mark? Just hanging around looking for women? What a bitch. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #27 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " FILE" 6 File THIS. File? What kind would you like? Rasp? Nail file? Mike Tyson & Jeffrey Dahlmer called today looking for files too. Sheeet! You already have more files than I do, *USER*! Yeah, I have LOTS of files. Don't you wish you did, *USER*? You file piggies are all alike... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #28 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- FRIENDLY 2 I hear your mother is pretty "user friendly" too... You want friendly, go to an ice cream store. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #29 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- FUCK 9 And fuck the horse you rode in on too! Do you realize your father is a mother fucker? Fuck THIS! Fuck you too, *USER*! I'm a fan of Doogie (Howser) style, myself. Is that the same mouth you use to kiss your dog? Is that the same mouth you use to kiss your mother? Nice mouth! Yeah, that's what your mother said, too. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #30 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- FUNNY 5 Funny stuff, huh? So you think that's funny, huh? You're warped! Sometimes I kill myself! What a sense of humor... You think that's funny? Try looking in the mirror, *USER*! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #31 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " GAME" 2 The Ferengi destroyed all my online games last night... You need to go to the door menu for the games, Einstein! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #32 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GIRL 7 A girl a day keeps the wife away. I got a Harley-Davidson for my girlfriend - GOOD TRADE! I have one rule - I never sleep with anyone who doesn't look at least 13. I prefer WOMEN, myself. I've met your girlfriend, *USER*. OINK, OINK! If little girls are made of sugar & spice, how come they taste like tuna? What a pervert! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #33 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GOODBY 4 Aw gee... and I was having so much fun. Going somewhere *USER*? Hello. Not yet, I'm not finished with you *USER*. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #34 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HA HA 5 Funny stuff, huh? So you think that's funny, huh? You're warped! Sometimes I kill myself! What a sense of humor... You think that's funny *USER*? Try looking in the mirror! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #35 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HAHA 5 Funny stuff, huh? So you think that's funny, huh? You're warped! Sometimes I kill myself! What a sense of humor... You think that's funny, *USER*? Try looking in the mirror! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #36 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HELLO 3 Goodbye... I already said hello *USER*... what's the matter with you??? I never give greetings at this time of day! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #37 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HELP 7 "Help" - one of my favorite Beatles tunes... God helps those who help themselves. Trouble is, there's no God. Read the stinkin' Docs! Sorry, the help man is on vacation. Please ask again in two weeks. Sorry, you've already used your quota of help today, *USER*. You must be joking! You're beyond help, *USER*. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #38 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " HI " 3 Goodbye... I already said hello... what's the matter with you??? I never give greetings at this time of day! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #39 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HMM 3 Hmm a little tune for me... I know you're thinking, *USER*... I can smell the brain cells burning... What's wrong *USER*? Your brain has an interrupt conflict? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #40 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOBBY 1 HOBBY??? You think I do this for a living??? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #41 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " HOSER " 1 Some of my best friends are hosers! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #42 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " HOW" 7 Bozos. I am surrounded by Bozos! Don't ask me, ask Sheriff Nick. How? How? Are you some kinda Injun or something? How? Ask Pee Wee Herman. How??? Kawabunga! If I knew how, I wouldn't be here farting around with YOU. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #43 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HUMAN 2 Hunan? No, I prefer Szechuan. Sure I'm human. I just think like a computer. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #44 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I' 4 But what about MY feelings, *USER*? Can't you talk about anything besides yourself? What would you like me to do to make you feel happy, *USER*? Who cares about you as a person, anyway? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #45 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- INSULT 3 I resent that remark! Will Rogers obviously never met you, did he? Would I insult my 832nd favorite user? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #46 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- JOKE 5 Funny stuff, huh? So you think that's funny, huh? You're warped! Sometimes I kill myself! What a sense of humor... You think that's funny? Try looking in the mirror! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #47 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " LICK " 2 Know the speed limit on Hwy. 69? Lickety-Split! Lick, suck, fuck... I do it all. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #48 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MACHINE 9 At least you never owe alimony to a PC. But have you ever slept with a PC, *USER*? Can you talk dirty in machine language? IBM sucks, Apple has worms, and Commodores don't even make good doorstops. My name is HAL, nice to meet you *USER*. Shut up about computers already. I'm sick of them! Sure this is a computer. And you're chopped liver? Want to see my hard drive? You're the jerk sitting there conversing with a dumb machine! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #49 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAIL 5 Ask your mailman. Beats the hell out of the Post Office, doesn't it? I don't DO mail! Too cheap to buy a lousy 30õ postage stamp? You want mail *USER*? Try SENDING some! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #50 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAYBE 5 And maybe not? Aww gee. Doing your George Bush wimp imitation again? Jeez, what a decisive S.O.B. you are! No two ways about it, right *USER*? When I say maybe, it usually means NO! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #51 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " ME " 3 Don't you have anything INTERESTING to talk about, *USER*? Me, me, me... do you live in front of your mirror? Me, me, me... is that all you ever think about? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #52 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MODEM 2 Modem? Like in, "I wan' mo' dem chitlins"? The only thing around here with a dual standard is the SysOp! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #53 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MOTHER 2 Did you know Mother's Day is the biggest holiday of the year in Harlem? Is it true that "mother" is only half-a-word? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #54 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " MY " 3 My my my... When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. You really have a point there. Wear a hat and it won't show. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #55 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " NAH " 4 Oh, gee *USER*, smile a little. Loosen up. Maybe you'll get lucky. Such a negative attitude. Yes! You're being contrary and obnoxious again. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #56 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEVER 1 Never say never... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #57 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " NO " 4 Oh, gee *USER*, smile a little. Loosen up. Maybe you'll get lucky. Such a negative attitude. Yes! You're being contrary and obnoxious again. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #58 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " NOPE " 4 Oh, gee *USER*, smile a little. Loosen up. Maybe you'll get lucky. Such a negative attitude. Yes! You're being contrary and obnoxious again. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #59 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " NOT" 2 Are you just being negative? I disagree. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #60 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NPD 4 NPD? ...hmmm... you mean Nick's Police Department??? Sure, lots... but you can't have any!!! What does this look like? Some kind of pirate board? You want pirated stuff, call Captain Hook! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #61 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " OLD " 3 Old enough to be your grandfather. Old enough to know better. Older than the hills. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #62 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " PISS" 1 You think YOU'RE pissed! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #63 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- POSSIBLE 3 Anything's possible. Not likely. Possible... but not probable. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #64 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- PRIVATE 5 Can I have access to your sister's private areas? If I told you, it wouldn't be private, now, would it? No, but you can have access to the lieutenant areas. What does this look like? Some kind of pirate board? You want pirated stuff, call Captain Hook! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #65 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- PROGRAM 1 My favorite program is "Beverly Hillbillies" ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #66 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- PUSSY 3 I just joined pussyholics anonymous. Life is a bitch... then you marry one. Meow! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #67 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " REAL " 4 But have you ever slept with a PC? Can you talk dirty in machine language? I'm a machine all right. A pretty darn SMART one! Shut up about computers already! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #68 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " RICH" 8 I'm Rich... and you're NOT! My name is Rich, but you may call me "Your Royal SysOp". OK, OK! I lied! My name is really Tyler Burns! Rich, Rich, Bo Bich, Bonana-fana Fo Fich, Fi Fie Mo Mich... Rich? No he's not here at the moment. Sorry, Rich isn't here right now. My name is HAL! That's my name. Don't wear it out! Yeah, this is Rich. Who the heck did you think is was? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #69 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " SEX" 3 Computer sex is nothing compared to the real thing. My computer can do it harder and deeper than your computer! Where do you go when you want to get laid, *USER*? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #70 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SHIT 10 A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste! Are you feeling lucky, punk? I nominate you for Public Enema #1. I'm surprised you can spell that, *USER*. If this were the REAL world, You'd be in TROUBLE! Is that the same mouth you use to kiss your mother? Nice mouth! Nice talk, garbage-mouth. Nothing that a little Ex-Lax won't cure. You seem to have a solid waste fixation, *USER*. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #71 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SORRY 4 Apology accepted. Just don't let it happen again *USER*! You should be sorry! You're not kidding - you're really sorry! You're sorry all right... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #72 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SPEED 3 Slow down and smell the flowers! Speed kills! Speed? No, I think you need downers... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #73 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- STRANGE 1 You're strange too, *USER*. I like that in a person! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #74 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- STUPID 1 Stupid??? You're the one who's chatting with a dumb machine! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #75 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " SUCK" 6 IBM also sucks, who cares? PC Bored also sucks, come to think of it. So does your grandmother. Suck THIS! What's the matter? Your "F" key broken? Whatsamatter - you've forgotten how to fuck? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #76 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SYSOP 7 Hey, I'm out of bed and dressed. What the hell more do you want? I'm not arrogant... I'm just BETTER than you. I'm not as think as you drunk I am. SYSOP n. - see masochist SysOp? What the heck is this thing you call "SysOp"? Yes, this is the SysOp. But you can call me Sir. You want to be a SysOp??? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #77 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- THANK 3 Any time... It was nothing. You're welcome. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #78 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " TIME" 9 All everybody wants is more time, more time, more time. Geez, that's funny. I never run out of time here. Mike Tyson wishes he had LESS time! Say what? You already have TOO MUCH time online here! There's no time like the future. Time's fun when you're having flies. Time. That's a magazine, isn't it? Try spending some money on a fast modem instead of fast women! What would you do with it if I gave you more time? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #79 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " TYPE " 2 I went to the "Hunt & Peck" school for typists. Yeah, I type fast... for a SysOp! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #80 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- UPLOAD 4 No thank you. I already have Autoexec.Bat & Config.Sys Sure. And the check is in the mail too, right *USER*? Try uploading something USEFUL for a change. Your last batch of uploads went straight into the circular file! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #81 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- VALIDAT 8 Can I have access to your sister? Do you want "Kathy Willets Access" or "Sheriff Nick Access"? Hit [Alt] H for FREE unlimited access! I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now! More access? Sure - hit [Alt] H now. OK. You're valid. What else can I do for you? Validate THIS! Validate you? Are you a parking ticket or something? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #82 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WEIRD 3 Did you mean "weird" or "wired"? The whole concept is a little weird, don't you think? You're weird too, *USER*. I like that in a person! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #83 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHEN 4 After dinner. Next Tuesday. When Hell turns to Lime Jello. When the rivers run dry. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #84 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHERE 5 In bed with your sister. In jail. In the bathroom. Somewhere over the rainbow. Wherever you say. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #85 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHO 5 And just who the heck are YOU, *USER*? I give up, who am I? I'll give you three guesses. Stop with the "Who" already! You sound like a freakin' owl! Who am I? Just the cleaning lady. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #86 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY 5 Because that's the way it is. Did you just ask me why? Why? Sometimes there is no reason. Shit Happens. Why not? Why? Because we like you! Ask M-I-C-K-E-Y. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #87 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WOMAN 8 And here I thought you were gay. Bigamy: Too many wives. Monogamy: See Bigamy. I know all about yo momma, son. Most women are slime. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick! When you say mother, are you typing the whole word, or just half? Women! Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em! You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #88 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WOMEN 8 And here I thought you were gay. Bigamy: Too many wives. Monogamy: See Bigamy. I know all about yo momma, son. Most women are slime. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick! When you say mother, are you typing the whole word, or just half? Women! Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em! You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #89 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WORK 8 A penny earned is cheap labor. But have you ever heard of someone going blind WORKING with himself? It only works when you're not looking. Nothing from IBM works. Ouch!!! The "W" word! Work is the curse of the partying class! Work?!? WATCH your language *USER*! Yeah, ask Kathy Willets about work... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #90 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YEAH 4 I forgot the question. What were we talking about? That's "si" to you. You're in South Florida now! That's easy for you to say, *USER*. Yes? Are you THAT easy? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #91 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YES 4 I forgot the question. What were we talking about? That's "si" to you. You're in South Florida now! That's easy for you to say, *USER*. Yes? Are you THAT easy? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; KEY WORD #92 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOUR NAME 7 My name Jose Jimenez. My name is Rich, but you may call me "Your Royal SysOp". OK, OK! I lied! My name is really Tyler Burns! Rich, Rich, Bo Bich, Bonana-fana Fo Fich, Fi Fie Mo Mich... Tell me your REAL name, and maybe I'll tell you mine. Well, it's not *USER* (thank God!) What's the matter, you can't read?